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This is my beautiful sister Kristen. She passed away six years ago today from her fight with leukemia. It seems unreal that six years has gone by so quickly, yet I can remember her last days in the hospital like it was yesterday. My birthday was two days ago and before her death there was no real meaning to it, (other than the obvious), but now it has great meaning to me. It was the last day that I got to talk to her and tell her how much I love her. The two days prior to her death she was in and out of consciousness and actually died of pneumonia. She died in her hospital room surrounded by my parents. Amy and I got there minutes after she died. I'll never forget holding her hand after she was gone and feeling the warmth of her body leave.
This has to be my most treasured picture of all. It was taken a few days before she died. After the doctors at Primary Children's told her there was nothing else they could do when her cancer returned, my Dad said she got up from her bed, put on her shoes and said "I want to go home." One of Kristen's great qualities was being that person that was so fun to be around. If she was home you could be guaranteed to have a good laugh. Her laugh alone could make you laugh. I love this picture because we all knew what the inevitable was. She would be leaving us. I'll never forget the morning this picture was taken because this is what we were doing. We didn't pose, we were together on the couch and my Aunt Kris took a picture.
Her death challenged me to question what I had been taught my whole life and ask whether or not it was for real. I am eternally grateful for that because since then, I have been so blessed to have been renewed in testimony and faith hundreds of times to know that this life is just the beginning and that it is fraught with purpose and if we will persist in obedience and keep covenants, then God in fact will keep his promises and unite families eternally. A few nights ago I read Elder Oak's recent talk from Conference and the thought occurred to me that Kristen's death was actually an extension of Heavenly Father's love for me and those who knew her. I hadn't ever thought that the things that help us to scrutinize our lives and cause us to turn to him, like death and other trials, are a way for us to feel his love more completely and understand our role on this earth more clearly. Having said that, I miss Kristen like crazy. With each pregnancy and new baby, I really feel her absence. I can only speak for myself, but truly I am grateful to her for helping me on this journey back home.
Do any of you have any memories of her? I would love to hear them!
8 comments:
As I sit hear crying... The memory that comes to me, among many... is when we stayed in the hospital with her overnight, I slept with her in her bed, you slept on the couch.. We were scared even then, and that was just the beginning..
the memories that I have of Kristen pre-cancer... are her coming to my house for lunch everyday.. as a stay at home mom, I would watch the clock, hoping she would come, I just wanted her company so bad.. I loved her so much, just like I love all of the rest of my family, what would we do without the hope of the promises of the gospel, mainly that families can and will be forever.. I love you, Hill.. thank goodness, I still have you here.
What a sweet tribute of your cute sister. :0)
Oh, I have many fun memories of Kristen. She was so young. . . and so full of sass!!!! She was one of the reasons we loved going to Blackfoot for the weekends. She was always there, making us laugh. Your tribute to her was so touching. I can't imagine your loss, but think you are strong for how well you are enduring it. Love you!!
Beautifully written Hillary. Now I'm a mess.
The picture of you three is breathtaking.
My heart is with your family this weekend.
Hills, such a sweet tribute and strong witness of the savior. Kristen was hilarious. How bout the canoe trip down the Island Park Resevior when we kept tipping over and Mark decided to wear Amy's thongs that broke. We laughed so hard. I can't imagine how much you guys miss her. Life isn't fair, but we know it is worth it.
I didn't know your sister but your testimony of her and the truths about our Savior has helped me. I understand now what you went through when she died and the challenges you faced about the truths you had been taught. Last your, my little sister was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at the age of 24. She is still fighting it. I had to reflect and wonder if I truly believed in the promise of eternal families. How would it feel to actually lose her. I now know and can honestly say that I am ready to face whatever may come. If we are to lose her now, we will see her again. Heavenly Father has a greater plan for her and a greater plan for me. The pain, as you know, will be unbearable but bearable through Him. Thank you for your sweet testimony.
I was thinking about Kristen this weekend also, remembering her beautiful funeral. I still cannot listen to the song Together Forever with out tearing up. You all singing that was so touching! A memory of Kristen I will never forget is when we were at Merna and Larry's cabin in Island Park and she was sleeping on the floor while we were around her and all the sudden in her sleep she says "It's Taylor Martin!" We still us that phrase to this day thanks to her. I remember laughing so hard at that when it happened. Thank you for writing this tribute. I too can't believe it has been 6 years. Time is speeding by! Love you Hillary!!!
What a beautiful tribute to Kristen. I love that picture of the three of you.
I remember Kristen coming up to our apartment at Ricks and watching Arthur with you.:) You were always such a great older sister to her. She was so young and just darling.
Love You Hill.
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